As long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with anxiety and probably a tad OCD. Not enough to affect my daily life, as I still went to school and now work every day, but just enough that my brain never seems to shut off. It’s hard to explain to people that I can’t just stop thinking about something.
My mind will spin on a problem (or thought) for hours.
My 2018 ended roughly, and now I’ve got depression on top of my general anxiety and OCD. Sleeping is hard, which makes it worse. I often wake up after 7-8 hours of sleep, feeling like I got two. I’ve been tested, and there’s nothing wrong with me. Apparently. Lately, I’ve been waking up at least an hour before my alarm and doze in and out of sleep.
The lack of good sleep could drive anyone even crazier than they already feel.
Every day I get up, and I think I will work out today. Some days I feel strong and healthy; I can do my run plus plyo or strength training. Other days I struggle to get out the door. Some days my body (strikethrough body) brain tells me everything hurts, I should give up, I should cry, and I can’t breathe. I know it’s the depression talking, so I keep going and telling myself it’s all in my head.
Every week I vow to do better, but something happens and throw me off. But I get back up and dust myself off to try again. It really is all about momentum. Too many days off, and I struggle to start again.
Hopefully, someday I find the magical combo of what works or days will get longer. But that’s another blog.