This is a hard post for me to write. I have never been one to talk about my problems, except maybe to one or two close friends who are allowed to see the real me. Approximately three times in my life I have struggled with a mild depression. Once was after I graduated from college and felt stuck in my home town. The second, and worse, was a few years ago when I was forced into a miserable work situation. I came out of it once I was removed from that situation. Currently I am struggling with it again. I believe because I feel stuck again. My career has stalled. I feel like a failure. I feel all my ambition to work hard and desire to make something of myself is wasted. Maybe because I feel a lot of who I am is tied into my education and career. I take a lot of pride in my brain and work ethic.
On top of that I have always been one who has to please other people. I need to make sure everyone else is ok. Often times I suffer from not doing what I want or being who I want to be. I feel like when I am not truly happy (not just the fake front I put forward) that I have failed those around me. This has been an issue for me my entire life. There were parents to please, teachers, friends and later boyfriends and bosses. It gets taxing making sure all of these people are taken care of.
Earlier this year I discovered that my blood pressure was abnormally high for me. I am considered pre-hypertension now (I have since checked it an additional two times). Since I already track my food intake I immediately checked my sodium. With the exception of maybe one day a week I am always well below the recommended 2300 mg. I know the issue is this dark cloud hanging over me and the stress I always seem to carry around.
I have several goals (I am planning a future post about these) but one of them is to shake of this depression and become my usual self. Hand in hand with that is to get my stress under control and thus my blood pressure. Being the type A, green personality I am I am spending time researching. What I should eat. What I should do. How to relax. I can’t help it that researching relaxes me. I like to learn and grow.
This is one way to relax, watch a sunset! (Picture: My own from a trip to San Diego)
I am working to rid myself of the negative stress reactors and learn more positive reactions. My goal this week is to not complain. This is hard but I am determined to work on it. I make myself pause and take a few deep breaths if I realize I am complaining. If it is too bad I will go for a walk (I haven’t reached this point yet).
Tell Me: How do relax? How do you deal with stress, depression and daily life issues?