I have really been struggling with accepting the fact that I may never eat gluten again (see, I said may, not never). It is definitely having a mental and physical effect on me.
I keep thinking, hoping all these feelings, the ups and downs will go away once I have an official diagnosis; until then it is just speculation. If I have a positive endoscopy I know it is celiac disease, until then it is just the most likely scenario.
The thoughts and feelings inhabit my life 24/7 and I can’t wait to know for sure. I feel like every aspect of my life is being affected because I don’t know. Emotionally I am all over the map.
As much as I hate to admit it, this process and possible diagnosis makes me depressed. I keep thinking of all the food I will miss out on. I think of all the amazing future restaurants I won’t be able to eat at. I think of all the new (to me) foods I won’t be able to try. I imagine how traveling and vacations will become more difficult. I get depressed. Over food How sad am I? There are people out there with much worse going on and giving up gluten makes me depressed.
I have to relearn how to eat and how to grocery shop. I have to be that person asking the server a million questions they probably don’t know the answer to. I am already embarrassed that I may have to be that person.
I am getting misty-eyed and frustrated just writing this out. I know I have to give up gluten if I have celiac disease; I just didn’t realize it would be this hard, this emotional.
I do want to feel good again. I can’t remember what it feels like to not have digestive problems. I don’t want to hurt my body and cause future problems by continuing to eat gluten. I know it has to be done and I will do it. I just wish it was easier, less emotional.
I try to think of the positives. I will feel better. I will probably perform better in my running and workouts because I won’t be so exhausted. I can work on my creativity in several ways. I can try my hand at converting recipes to gluten-free. I can take photos of my gluten-free creations. I can further my blog and photography business during this process.
If you have celiac disease did you struggle emotionally with giving up gluten? If so, what advice would you give someone who just received a diagnosis?