I have always thought of myself as a fairly confident individual. I was always sure of who I was and that I could accomplish whatever I put my mind to. I was also confident in my body and looks.
But over the past year or so I have struggled to regain that confidence. I felt fat. I felt that I failed at a lot of things in general. I felt things were beyond my control. I was not happy. I lost most, if not all, of my confidence. I decided to change for the better. I started with what I knew I could change: my health.
I am still struggling with losing weight but I am getting my confidence back. My body isn’t perfect but it is much better. My calf muscles are solid. My waist is more defined. My stomach is flatter (when I watch my wheat and sodium intake). My clothes fit and look better, although most are now too big. You can see I have a shape again. I still have work to do but I love my body again.
And I am realizing what my body is capable of again. I was always confident in dance, volleyball and weight lifting (among other physical activities) but I’ve always struggled to be confident in my running. I hated having to run a mile in gym class. I have exercise induced asthma and didn’t know how to breathe (and of course gym teachers had no clue how to help me except just say, “do what you can”). I sucked. When I quit dance I started running off and on as a way to stay in shape. Over the years I have gotten better at the whole breathing thing but at each new distance I worry I can’t do it. I lose my confidence.
I am training for my first half marathon (even though when I signed up I had never done more than 6 miles at a time). For awhile I thought I was crazy. I kept thinking, “I can’t do this. What was I thinking?” I told myself I had to stick exactly to the training schedule in order to reach this goal.
I was going along really well, feeling great and then I missed two runs in one week due to back issues. I missed my long run. It was to be seven miles. I had never done seven miles. I looked ahead and saw my next long run was eight miles. How could I do eight if I didn’t do seven? I started freaking out, just a tad. I worried I wouldn’t be able to complete all eight. I looked at my run details. It was to be four miles at a slow, steady pace, followed by three at a faster pace and the last back to the slow, steady pace. I decided that mentally I would break the run into three runs. I know I can do four miles, three miles and one mile.
You know what? I did it. I ran the entire eight miles. It was sometimes slower than my target pace but I finished. I don’t know what happened but now I know I can do 13.1 miles. My mind is now saying, “If you can do eight, you can do 13.1” I feel so much confidence in my training now. I feel like I can reach the running goals I set myself.
I am feeling like my old, confident self. And I love it!
Have you ever lost your confidence? How did you get it back? What makes you feel most confident?
