Sometimes your dreams and goals change. There can be many reasons for it, and it can take time to see and accept it.

I’ve been chasing a marathon for several years and was pushing to get to the line in January. This weekend I realized the marathon is no longer my dream. I went to start my 16 miles, and my right ankle was aching from the start. I realized since I broke my leg, I wasn’t enjoying marathon training.

I haven’t been able to get much speed back or distance. My 13-mile long run took me around 3 hours. 20+ minutes longer than any other 13-mile training run I’ve ever done. I was miserable for the last four miles.

It’s hard to accept that dreams change.

I cried, denied it, and finally accepted it. I no longer get joy from road races and long runs. I don’t know what changed from early June when I loved my 16 and 18-mile runs. I know it wasn’t just I broke my leg and now everything is different. Or maybe that was the catalyst.

I haven’t been sleeping or working out. Or much of anything. I was stressed and overwhelmed. I feel much lighter now that I’ve let go of the marathon.

Now I plan to focus on shorter trail races. I hate the idea of running in my neighborhood, of hitting the streets. All I want to do is head out to the trails. There’s peace, calm, and openess there. My stress melts away when I hit the trails.

I want to continue doing the Cactus Flower Run Series and work on my strength training. But I’m not sure what else 2020 will hold for me. I started a list of trail races in my area and need to start plotting them out. I live pretty close to two county parks and want to do all the races at those two.

What are your plans and goals for 2020?


Jenna Volden has a degree in business and has spent the last 10 plus years working for others. She believes it is time to start her own photography and writing business. She enjoys running, coffee and helping others achieve their goals. Gluten-free foods are a lifestyle, not a choice, for her due to celiac disease. She is currently based in Phoenix, Arizona.