The Marathon: is it the ultimate runner’s goal?

I pose this question because for several years it has been my goal. After I ran my first half I thought, I could do a full. I didn’t set it as a goal at the time but it was in the back of my head as something I wanted to do. I ran three more half marathons and then set my sights on a marathon.

I started planning to run a marathon in January 2015. I had run my best half, shaved nearly 10 minutes off my last PR, and felt really confident in my running. In the fall I began training but struggled to get runs in, weekdays and long runs and eventually dropped down to the half in November. When I went to the expo in January 2016 I signed up for the marathon again for 2017.

I started getting into the swing of marathon training during the summer. I wanted to get into a routine and make sure I was prepared. My “official” plan started on August 31st. I worked my butt off during the summer/fall when Phoenix was having highs off 115+. I dragged my butt out of bed at 4 am to beat the heat.

I ran through the “winter” here and even put in my longest run on Christmas eve in Wisconsin. I had to wear my trail shoes because of ice and snow. I was bundled up in many layers. I put in my time. I put in the effort, for six plus months. I was determined. I was going to finish this marathon, even if it took me forever.

Then I got sick.

I came home from Christmas in Wisconsin with a cold, which turned into a sinus infection. I had hopes of still running the marathon, though. I had about 15 days to recover and get better. By the time the marathon date came, I was feeling better. The nose was feeling good, the cough was better, and I could sleep through the night.

So I went out for a test run.

And I got dizzy. At around the two-mile mark, the world started to look like I was in a funhouse mirror situation. Trees were getting bigger and smaller. The ground was going up and down. I stopped running and tried to walk but I was all over the sidewalk. People driving by probably thought I was drunk. I couldn’t walk in a straight line so I stopped. I sat. I waited until I felt better and walked home. I wasn’t pushing myself. I wasn’t trying too hard. I was actually going slow to test my breathing and cough.

I think, so this isn’t a usual issue, that it has to do with my cold and sinus infection. I have always had a lot of inner ear problems so I am guessing it is something like this. Because it feels like vertigo when it’s happening. I also made sure I’ve been well hydrated and fed before heading out (trying to eat pretty nutritious foods). My heart rate wasn’t super high, in my normal run range. I don’t feel any strain in my heart or lungs. It all seems to be in m head, literally and figuratively?

I waited a few days and tried again. The exact same thing happened. This was just days before the marathon.

I didn’t run my marathon.

And I am depressed. I put in so much work towards a goal and couldn’t complete the goal. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know if I will ever reach my goal of running a marathon. I haven’t run in about two weeks. I am afraid I won’t ever be able to run again. I haven’t been able to bring myself to run again. I am afraid it will keep happening. I have been able to do other cardio and strength training without issue.

Next week. I will try again next week.

Tell me about a goal you feel you might never reach and what you are doing (did) about it.