Sometimes your dreams and goals change. There can be many reasons for it, and it can take time to see and accept it.
I’ve been chasing a marathon for several years and was pushing to get to the line in January. This weekend I realized the marathon is no longer my dream. I went to start my 16 miles, and my right ankle was aching from the start. I realized since I broke my leg, I wasn’t enjoying marathon training.
I haven’t been able to get much speed back or distance. My 13-mile long run took me around 3 hours. 20+ minutes longer than any other 13-mile training run I’ve ever done. I was miserable for the last four miles.
It’s hard to accept that dreams change.
I cried, denied it, and finally accepted it. I no longer get joy from road races and long runs. I don’t know what changed from early June when I loved my 16 and 18-mile runs. I know it wasn’t just I broke my leg and now everything is different. Or maybe that was the catalyst.
I haven’t been sleeping or working out. Or much of anything. I was stressed and overwhelmed. I feel much lighter now that I’ve let go of the marathon.
Now I plan to focus on shorter trail races. I hate the idea of running in my neighborhood, of hitting the streets. All I want to do is head out to the trails. There’s peace, calm, and openess there. My stress melts away when I hit the trails.
I want to continue doing the Cactus Flower Run Series and work on my strength training. But I’m not sure what else 2020 will hold for me. I started a list of trail races in my area and need to start plotting them out. I live pretty close to two county parks and want to do all the races at those two.