Accepting failure, giving up and moving on. This is what I need to do. I am in week 5 and I’ve failed multiple times. I keep trying to get back up, brush myself off and push through, but it isn’t working. I keep repeating the same pattern: ready to go on Monday but exhausted by Wednesday. I get up and try a long run Saturday and maybe get a run in on Sunday. I can’t complete 26.2 miles doing two, maybe three runs per week.

I need to throw in the towel, admit defeat. At this point, I don’t even want to drop down to the half. I just don’t want to do it period. I’ve done that half twice. I surpassed my goal. I want to move on to new goals, which was supposed to be the marathon. I need to sit back and reevaluate my goals and what I am capable of.

It’s difficult and painful to give up on a dream I’ve been working towards since my first 5k in 2012. I never thought I could run because of my asthma then I started running slowly on a treadmill and eventually moved outside. I really never thought I would race, but I had always wanted to do the UW-L Turkey Trot. I tried and I was hooked. Now I’ve done 5ks, 10ks, and several half marathons along with several distances in between to get to the point where I could complete 26.2. Everything over the last 3 years was for this moment.

And now it’s gone. I can’t do it. No matter how much I want it I am physically incapable of doing the training. I get up in the mornings, stiff and sore. I go through the work day only to have sore hips, legs, ankles, and feet. I have a desk job. I am not on my feet all day. I do make sure I get up and move around but nothing that should preclude me from exercising later.

I get home from work and practically pass out on the couch for a half an hour before I realize I need to make dinner. I am only 35 but I have no energy and my body seems to be falling apart. I feel I just got my celiac diagnosis and feel much better but now that my digestive system is healed the rest of me decided to cause problems.

I have dreamed of the moment I crossed the finish line and thought of how I would feel, emotionally and physical. Both exhausted and amazed. Fulfilled and empty. For now it will remain a dream. It may remain that way forever. I just don’t know at this point.

I am on my third week of marathon training and I think I’ve quit about seven times. I actually quit before I started. The few days before I decided I couldn’t do it because I was so tired all the time. I actually missed my first two or three days because I didn’t think I could do it.

I thought about it and decided I needed to at least attempt it. If I didn’t try I would never know if I could run a marathon. I would rather try and fail over never trying. I started a few days late, but I started.

I actually did fairly well on week two. I felt good and hit almost all my workouts. Week three has been a different story. I couldn’t find the energy Monday or Tuesday. I was beyond exhausted and wanted to give up again. I’m not, but I need to figure out a better way to do the weekly workouts.

I think what I will do is switch Friday and Sunday. My current plan has a short run on Fridays and rest on Sunday. I am so tired by the end of the week, I can’t get myself out the door. My half plan from last year had a run on Sunday instead of Friday and I was always able to do that. I also have more energy on Sundays since I don’t have to go to work.

My other thought is to run before work on Monday and Wednesday. I currently run after work but by the time I get home I just want to collapse on the couch. My current work schedule is 7 am to 4:30 pm but I figure I can just go in late on Monday and Wednesday. It wouldn’t matter how tired I was after work because I wouldn’t have to do anything.

I do want to run a marathon, but I have some mental and physical demons to battle. I will fight through best I can and make adjustments as needed.

How have you gotten through marathon training?

On the Fourth of July, I had an opportunity to run in the Firecracker 4 Mile in my hometown. I was pretty nervous going in because I did not run for the month of June. For me, June in Phoenix is the only month I cannot run outside. It is just too hot at 115 degrees for several days. The heat just zaps my already limited energy. I tried to do some other cardio workouts and strength training indoors, but I felt extremely undertrained for this race.

I arrived in LaCrosse, WI on Thursday. It is about a three-hour flight followed by a two and a half hour car ride, which makes for a long day. The weather was amazing, in the upper 70s with fairly low humidity for Wisconsin in the summer. I didn’t go for a run Thursday night but planned to get up and go Friday morning.

I stepped outside Friday to 55-degree weather and partly cloudy skies. I didn’t plan a distance or speed; I just wanted to go. Even after all of the traveling Thursday, I was feeling good. I ended up putting in three miles in 30:56, which averaged out to a 10:17 pace. Not bad for not having run in a month!

I was definitely feeling good headed into the race on Saturday. The race started at Riverfest, which is right along the Mississippi river. The morning wasn’t as cool as Friday, but it sure beats a lot of 90-degrees.

My dad was running too, but I told him to go ahead and not wait for me. He runs about two minutes faster per mile than me. I didn’t want to slow him down. We lined up together and started off weaving through the walkers together but when it the crowd opened up he pulled away. I soon lost sight of him.

It is fascinating to run a race in a city you haven’t lived in for several years. I enjoyed taking in the scenery. I was noticing all the changes to downtown, all the new restaurants. I reminisced as I ran by areas where friend’s lived during college. I ran past the college as well. It was like running through my past.

Where I live in Phoenix is flat. I rarely have any elevation change on my Fitbit surge. I have no hills and never do hill workouts. Well… let me tell you, Wisconsin is not flat. I rediscovered this on Friday and again on Saturday when we rounded a corner and had to race up a hill. Driving and walking these hills never seemed like much but once you run them? Worse thing ever! At least the uphill battle was at the beginning instead of the end. Race directors who put uphills at the end of a race are the devil.

While running uphill I focused on maintaining my intensity rather than my pace. For the first mile, I was around 11:30 per mile. I knew I could do better and started to pick up speed as the course flattened out.

The course looped around and ended at the start line. I was pleasantly surprised at the end because they were handing out red & white or blue & white sunglasses to finishers! The sunglasses actually fit nicely, not nearly as cheap as the aviators handed out at Run the Runway.

Overall I enjoyed the race and the weather. I appreciate the hill training, and I wish I could do it more often. I thought four miles was a great distance, not your typical 5K but still a distance most people can do fairly easily. I think holidays are great days to get a race in because I know there will be lots of yummy food in my near future (and probably some vodka too).

I would definitely do this race again or recommend it to others. I didn’t stay for the after party but it is Wisconsin and we know how to party.

I originally planned to write about my new strength training plan, but I never got around to putting anything together. I’ve been lazy this month and have been doing whichever workout I feel like that day.

Instead, I decided to write a bit about moving from losing weight to maintaining. And possibly recomposition in the near future. On June 3rd, I decided that trying to lose weight right now is too stressful, mentally and physically.

Most of my celiac symptoms have gone away with a gluten-free diet, but I am still exhausted all the time. I think it’s best to focus on eating well, and making sure I am fueling my body. My hope is that eating at maintenance will help with the exhaustion.

I eventually would like to drop about 10 more pounds, even though I am in the healthy range for my height. For now I am going to focus on maintaining and reducing body fat instead. I may find that I am happy at my current weight once I drop some body fat.

I am starting maintenance at 143 pounds and approximately 33% (gasp!) body fat. Yes, I need to work on body fat.

As of this post, I have been at maintenance for about a month and it is a struggle, at least mentally. Each week the scale changes by about a pound and a half, sometimes up, sometimes down. I have to keep reminding myself that fluctuations are normal.

Thankfully, I haven’t had two weeks in a row of up and the highest I’ve hit is 145. If I go over 145 I will drop calories a bit the following week. I would not be comfortable going above 145. I am still working through the logistics of maintenance, as it is much harder than I thought. I need to watch my calorie intake better. When I was losing, I allowed myself to go over calories some days because I knew I was eating below maintenance. Now, I need to watch calories better. I find myself still going over, which doesn’t help since I am eating at maintenance. The struggle is real.

Although my weight has fluctuated a bit, I seem to come back to 144 after an up week. 144 appears to be a sweet spot. My problem currently is body fat. It has gone up each week. I am now up to 33.6%. I know it is not a lot, but it is still an increase. I also know this isn’t accurate as I am measuring using my FitBit Aria scale. I figure at least I can get a trend going. I need to work on my diet to help decrease body fat.

I haven’t been running. It is rare that I run in June, as it is miserable here this time of year. It usually gets a tad cooler in July. I am also trying to incorporate weights and body weight training at least twice a week. I have also included some MMA-inspired videos. I need more cardio ideas for the days I can’t run.

The morning was much colder than I was used to. There was frost on the ground and I could see my breath. I was nervous. This was my first official 5K and my first time running in 12 degree weather. I was hoping that as the sun rose in the sky the temperature would warm up.

I had been training in Arizona to run a race in Wisconsin. The difference was quite drastic, but I was up for the challenge because I had wanted to run this race for years. I remember being in college and hearing about the 5K. Back then I mostly ran on treadmills. I was afraid to run outside. I thought I would never be able to run a 5K outside. I was letting my asthma win.

When I moved to Arizona I switched between running on the treadmill and running outside then I stopped running. I gained weight. I decided to start running again to lose weight. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to run that 5K. I wanted to prove to myself that I could run outside for 3.1 miles.

I made plans to go home for Thanksgiving and run the UW-L Turkey Trot. My dad decided he wanted to join me. He also has run off and on over the years.

The Turkey Trot was the Saturday the 17th, just before Thanksgiving. I arrived from sunny Arizona to the frozen tundra just the day before the race. I was incredibly nervous and had trouble sleeping the night before. My dad and I were up early to grab our race packets. We parked, trekked across campus and then went back to the car to warm up a bit. In order to stretch and warm up before the race we went into the nearest building; we weren’t alone in this idea.

It was then time to line up. In 2012, the Turkey Trot did not have corrals (they now do) and we lined up in the middle area, as I knew I wasn’t going to be fast. I predicted a 36 minute 5K. I thought 12-minute miles was a fair guess since I didn’t usually run in such cold.

As most people do, we started out too fast. After a bit, I had to slow down due to my asthma. I usually don’t have an issue in Arizona, but the cold air was making it more difficult. My dad stuck with me and ran my pace even though he can run much faster.

The route took us through the streets near campus and then through the marsh. Even though it wasn’t green this time of year, it was still gorgeous scenery to run through. To finish, we ran into Veteran’s Memorial Stadium and around the track. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when running into a stadium to cross the finish line. It makes me feel even more like an athlete than just a random finish line on the street.

We had warmed up a bit on the run, but it was still cold out. We headed inside to the post-race party, had our banana and coffee to warm up. We waited for our results to be posted. We finished our first 5K in 34:49, an average pace of 11:13. Not too shabby! I already was swelling with a huge sense of accomplishment but now I ran almost 11 minute miles?? I was ecstatic! I knew I could finish; I had run my training plan in Arizona which had me hitting 4 miles at the peak but I was so worried the cold would really slow me down.

I haven’t been able to go back to run the Turkey Trot the last two years but I have participated in the virtual race. I have since ran three half marathons and signed up for my first marathon but the UW-L Turkey Trot will always hold a special place in my heart because it was my first race. It solidified my love for running and racing. Hopefully I will be able to go back and run it again. I would love to see if I can beat 34:49 in the same race.

I am looking forward to fourth of July; my dad and I will be running a 4 mile race together. I am looking forward to cooler temperatures in Wisconsin but am a little worried about the humidity!

I’ve decided to form a Team Gluten-Free to raise money for celiac disease while training and running my first marathon. If you want to run PF Chang’s Rock n Roll marathon, why not join my team and raise money for a great cause? If you are interested in donating you can do so on my page.

From now until I actually run the marathon in January 2016 I will be posting different ideas for donations. Join my Facebook group to have instant updates about how my training is going and to see new ways to donate.

For my first donation event I am running a 4 miler on July 4th. Here is more information:

On Saturday, July 4th I will be participating in the Firecracker 4 Mile race in LaCrosse, WI. The Firecracker 4 Mile benefits two wonderful organizations, the LaCrosse Area Autism Foundation and the Children’s Museum of LaCrosse. The website for the race is http://festivalfoodsgrandadhalf.com/firecracker-4/

I have not done a 4-mile race so I will PR (personal record), no matter what! That is always exciting for a runner.

For those who may not know, I spent the first 25 years of my life in LaCrosse. I may not live there anymore, but a piece of my heart will always be there. By participating in races when I visit family, I am given a chance to give back to the community that raised me.

I will be running with my dad. We ran the UW-L Turkey Trot a few years ago together. He is much faster than me and will probably leave me in the dust. I am looking forward to running in cooler weather as we have had record heat in Phoenix lately. Although it will be much, much, much more humid.

Even though I am not yet training for my marathon, I would appreciate a donation to my fundraising page. Let’s consider this the ramp up to the official launch of my marathon training. I will have other ideas and opportunities for you to donate; if this doesn’t appeal to you maybe something else will.

A few ideas for donations:

• $1 per mile I will run, a $4 donation (equivalent to the cost of one coffee at Starbucks)
• $1 per mile that both my dad and I will run, a donation of just $8
• $42 which represents my approximate finish time ($1 per minute). I will most likely average 10:30 per mile
• $104.80 donation which would be $4 (since this is a 4 mile race) for the 26.2 miles I will run in January
• $106 the average high in Phoenix on 4th of July (where I currently live)
• $84 the average July high in LaCrosse

Or any number in between that you feel comfortable with!